I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
