U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
