My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
