literally had 100 drinks last night.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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