BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
