The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
