he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
