Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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