I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
