I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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