you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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