whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
