do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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