I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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