I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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