People with herpes should wear stickers.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Operation Purity has been aborted
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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