The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
