You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
