I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
