i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
