The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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