He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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