You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
