my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
