this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
