angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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