Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
