You just made me feel so damn special
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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