The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Say something about gay babies.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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