I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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