I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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