I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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