you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
