Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There's always time for handjobs
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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