They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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