I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
