she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
