My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
