booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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