Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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