We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The Olympian is in my bed
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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