I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
