dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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