I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
