I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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