I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
