totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
