I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
