The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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