Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
