It's a beautiful day for a hangover
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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