Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize