Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
