he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
