The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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