I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
