You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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