ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
