just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
my poor anus
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
