and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
