i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I didn't notice because vodka
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
