girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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