i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
